~The Fringe Benefits of Failure~

Having studied for three years at University and earning straight (well, nearly ;p) A grades for my final exams, including a beautiful A- for my bachelor's thesis, I was quite dismayed that I was denied my Degree, following a long, complicated series of melodramatics from the administration. God helped me through that really gruelling process of watching 3 years of hard work and slavering over books, of watching my A's turn into nothingess as I walked out of the Univeristy without a Degree.

It was around that time that J.K Rowling was receving an honorary degree from Harvard University. I've always been a Harry Potter maniac- and no I do NOT believe that the series encourages kids to practice witchcraft. Rather, I was quite touched by the powerful message of love and friendship that ultimately managed to break beyond the whole magical stuff in the book. In fact, I would say that the magical dimension of Harry Potter is for pure entertainment, but the real message is one rooted upon moral values and friendship and above all LOVE. But another post on that later.

I was quite intrigued when I first read Rowling's Harvard speech: The Fringe Benefits of Failure. Having known quite some bitter failure myself, I decided to listen to it and get a transcript of the speech. It moved me to tears. Of course I cry very very very very easily, but then again, her speech held some profoundness which didn't fail to move me and touch my heart. She speaks about the importance of accademic qualifications, but how, by the same token, there are greater things, bigger things in life than accademics. (But by no means should you toss out your textbook!). That bit touched me cos it was at that particular moment in life that I was able to segregate between real friends God placed my way and fake friends who ended up judging me by my accademic success.

Here are some of my favorite bits of her speech:

"...I was the biggest failure I knew....So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me."


"Had I really succeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged."


"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."


"Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing exams. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way...I found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies"

"Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievements. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life."

I personally know of some people whom I would have loved for them to read that last quote. Yes accademics are important, very very very important especially in this highly competitive era we're living in. Important to the point that despite having aced my finals, am subjecting myself to the University's rules again to study a couple more courses in orde to actually get that piece of paper. But there's more to life than that. Back in my university days, I had a professor who constantly told us that: there's more to life than collecting truckfuls of qualifications, and it's only now that I'm able to fully grasp the meaning of her words. Yes qualifications are important- but failure can exert that same force to push you to attain your inner goal.

With the help of God, I hope and pray that one day, I will be able to attain my goal, despite all the adversities that stand my way.

Sparkles&Smiles

I've changed so much in the last couple of weeks that at times, I can barely recognize myself. With God's help, I've finally been able to build up a positive side of me which I never had before. Not to mention that I've managed to find some kind of strenth within me to help me face these darks days am facing. And all these are God's doing, his Grace upon me. Of that I'm sure.

No, am not dancing on a euphoric cloud and going lalalala all the time. I do have my off days. These kinda days when simply getting out of bed is a near-impossible task. These kinda days where I just don't feel any emotion at all, no anger, no fear, no joy, no sadness juts pure, scary, absolute blankness. Just the other day I burst out crying when I was with my sister on the phone.

I've always been something of a whiner, always mopping about, letting every little thing of the world hit me to the core. I've been depressed more times than I can remebere, I've done it all from self harm to not leaving my room, not talking to anyone. And then things looked better. And now they're back to being awful again. (My life and surroundings has been nothing short of a magniciently dramatic soap opera if it can explain things a bit!).

But now the difference is this: Even on the most awful days, when i turn to God for help, I can feel his hand upon me as a wave of comfort literally engulfs me. The difference now is that i really, honestly, genuinely do BELIEVE that he will help me pull through. Back then, i only cried out to him and went back to being moppy and moody again, with no conviction that Jesus will hear my plea. Why should He? I was just some unimportant dot in the entire sea of human faces on this planet. There was no reason why he sould help some angst-filled twenty year old when there was the President of the US to help and confort. When there were people going through some REAL suffering out there. Why should He confort me during one of my hypochondirac moods when ppl were dying from real sickness?

Need I point out how wrong I was? God hears us all, no matter who we are, where we are and whether our sickness is real or immaginary (I used to be a hardened Hypochondriac, hopefully am getting over that now!). And once I let go of all these negative thoughts and inhibitions and once I placed everything at his feet, it LITERALLY felt like a huge weight was being lifted up- not off my shoulders- but off my enitre being. When I need confort, He's always here.

The strength I've suddenly discovered within myself, the way I now laugh through the bad days are more than enough proof. His love is unfalliable, there's no sickness, no pain, no anger, no suffering which He can't help you through. All you have to do is let him in your heart. He'll do the rest and take care of you.

"In Jesus your future is secure, and your destiny certain"

And with His Mercy and Grace, I know I can face anything.

Sparkles&Smiles

~All I need is God and the amazing Friends He sent my way~

I thank God for the precious people He sent my way during these dark hours. And I praise Him for always being with me. Life's hard right now, actually my life just changed forever. I learned some things I shouldn't have and still trying to figure out what's the right thing to do...AND trying to avoid giving way to dark emotions like anger, fear, revenge...

But for one thing I'll forever be grateful: When there seems no hope left in me, when all my strength seems to have deserted me, when I'm confused, not knowing which way to turn, I can still sense Christ's presence as he lovingly guides me out of the darkness and into the light.

And I know that even if things are looking pretty bleak right now, things will be okay in the end for He is with me.

Thank you God.